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PHYSICAL DISUASION
I had dinner one evening with a visiting friend. As I left the restaurant,
I could see two men weaving in from the parking lot. As I disdain public inebriates,
I made an effort to avoid them by side-stepping to the next set of double
doors. When they mirrored my move, my estimation of them diminished from drunks,
to drunken jerks. "Hey honey, where ya goin' so fast?", said on as he attempted
to wrap his arms around me. Without breaking my stride I gently but intently
shoved him into his laughing cohort saying "Get away from me." They were both
off balance but Jerk #1's tongue still worked, as I continued out of the vestibule
and toward my car. "Why've ya gotta be such a bitch? We just want to party!",
he shouted.
Despite his name calling and his rationalization of unacceptable behavior, I did not relent and join them (AS IF!) nor did I engage in a lecture. I saw that they'd given up on me so I left while they veered into the bar.
DE-ESCALATION AND TARGET DENIAL
"Don't you fucking know anything?" He was a towering pro basketball player,
and not pleased with my work.
Normally, I give my clients an overview of the work I'll do and we agree on a treatment plan. "Don't bother trying to work that knot out, it's a bullet", he said. Now, despite our agreement and his previously mellow demeanor, he was towering at the end of my massage table, cursing me for not being the prostitute he'd expected when he'd asked the hotel's concierge to find him a masseuse.
I loudly stated that I would take my gear and go. Then, more calmly, I told him there was no need to insult me. All the while, I kept my table between myself and him and myself between him and the door.
Ready to apply those mental X's to his target areas (at least, the ones I could reach without jumping), I was relieved to see him go sit in a chair in the corner. From there this bullet bearing former gang member and I agreed that it was fair for him to pay me for the work I'd already done rather than the whole session.
Although we both came away with some dignity intact (not to mention mutual good health), I had time to consider several other options; fighting; leaving and letting security come back for the gear; and charging the session to his room in full. All would operate in an if/then sequence and as "If he does/says this, then I'll do/say that."
I'm happy with the outcome but not happy that it happened.
April 30th, 1996
SIDEWALK DANCING
It was mid-afternoon on a Wednesday and I was walking uptown on Broadway,
around 55th Street. I had on a heavy backpack and was carrying a bag full
of videotapes in each hand. I was hurried and preoccupied when a big homeless-looking
guy stepped into my path. He was overweight and tall, with a distant, dopey
look in his eyes that made me think he was probably a little bit crazy.
I stepped to the right, he stepped to the right. I stepped to the left, he did the same. It was just one of those stupid sidewalk dances, until I stepped again, very clearly, to the right and he followed me again. I had a quick moment of thinking "yuck, this is weird, you don't want to be here." And then my Prepare skills took over.
In a loud, clear voice, I told him to stay still and I would go around him. He complied and I walked away. He followed me. I had to stop at a corner for a red light. He came up beside me, very close, and peered at me over my shoulder. "I don't want any trouble," I said. "You stay right there. I am going over to the other side of the curb."
There were people all around us, staring. I'm sure they thought I was over-reacting, but it worked. The guy stayed put and left me alone. Nothing bad happened, nothing at all. And I had a part in that. I think that's what verbal skills are all about.
c.1996 Emmy Laybourne
I WANT TO RIDE ALONE
As I was bicycling on a recent fall Sunday afternoon, I noticed in my rear-view
mirror that another bicyclist, a boy about 16 years old, was coming toward
me from behind. Since I figured he wanted to pass, I pulled over to the right
so he could pass on the left. He actually passed me to my right by going onto
the sidewalk, went ahead of me, and wound up behind me again. Real close.
To give him the benefit of the doubt - maybe he was not aware that he was
so close - I motioned and yelled out for him to pass. He laughed and remained
on my tail.
I just wanted him to pass, so I stopped short. His bike plowed into the rear wheel of mine and he fell off his bike (I remained standing). He asked why I had stopped short. I responded by asking why he was riding my tail. He again started to laugh. I then began to wonder if I'd have to use any of my physical skills to protect myself.
I stated in no uncertain terms that I wanted him to pass. Now. Still laughing and not paying attention to where he was going (he was veering into traffic in an attempt to watch me), I watched him ride off until I could no longer see him. Since he was riding off in the same direction I was, I had to decide if I wanted to change my route. I decided not to change it - it's my right to ride wherever I choose. As I suspected, I saw him with two of his friends about a mile up the road. He pointed me out to them as I passed. For a brief moment, I thought I'd have more trouble, but the rest of my ride was uneventful.
c. 1996 Helen Trencher
I TRUSTED MY INSTINCTS
Three days before I graduated from my Basics class some guy tried to take
my wallet. I noticed that he had reached into my bag and I confronted him.
He actually tried to convince me that I hadn't seen his hand in my handbag.
I was able to remain calm and secure in myself and firmly told him he was
lying and I wanted whatever he took from my bag back. He persisted. I did
not back down and he gave me my wallet back. I was amazed. I was not prepared
to fight for my property but I was willing to trust my instinct and get my
property back. Before I took basics, I know I would have cowered and he could
have easily made me believe that I was wrong. I've learned to value my instincts,
feelings, and needs more. And that, for me, is better than any physical fight.
c. 1996 Vannessa F.
MY
BAG IS MINE
I was nine months pregnant, it was 2:00 p.m., and I was running to catch a
bus. My arms were laden with packages; my only concern for the moment was
catching that bus. As I approached the corner, I noticed a man intentionally
placing himself directly in my path. As I tried to move to the left and then
to the right of him, he moved with me. It became obvious he was after something.
The "something" he was after turned out to be my handbag. He grabbed it, probably assuming that I would let go easily. After all, I had an abundance of packages as well as not appearing to be too mobile. What he didn't assume was that I had taken a course in self-defense - PREPARE! My instinctive reaction was to aggressively confront the man. I screamed at him "watch it buddy, what the hell do you think you're doing?" I will never forget the look on his face. He was shocked. He backed off and put his hands up in front of himself as if to say, "hey, sorry lady." He quickly ran off. People surrounding me came over to see if I was okay and one woman said "that man tried to steal your bag." The entire time, my eyes followed him down the street. After going over the sequence of events in my mind, it was obvious that my Basics course had in fact prepared me mentally to react to a situation like this one. I surprised myself by not having to think about how to deal with the situation, it came to me instinctively. I realized I did something I was taught in class. I created a scene, thereby attracting attention. I looked my assailant right in the eye and confronted him - assertively. I did not even feel a moment of fear, I just dealt with the situation.
I can't help but wonder, had I not taken the Prepare course, would I have just given in to the physical vulnerability of being 9 months pregnant and allowed the man to steal my bag without any kind of struggle? My guess is that I would have been so shocked that I would not have known what to do, and this man would have gotten what he wanted. Thankfully, he did not get what he wanted. I want to thank Prepare for that - and for giving me the confidence and ability to handle this situation.
c. 1996 Leslie Gerber - Seid
I FOUND MY OPENING
It was about 2 weeks after graduating from my BAMM Level II (Intro. to Multiple
Assailants and Weapons in San Francisco). I was coming home to my apartment
at around 10:30 p.m. I pulled into my driveway when I noticed someone was
parked in my parking space. No big deal, I thought, I'll just park on the
street. I looked around and there was no parking available, so I honked my
horn hoping whoever was parked in my spot would come out and move their car.
No one came out. I sat for a moment and decided that it must be a friend of
my neighbor's who lives in the apartment behind mine. He has friends visiting
him all the time. So I walked back down the driveway towards his apartment
door with my keys in my hand. A motion detector light came on as I approached
the back of the building. As I came into the light, I noticed two dark figures
coming out of the bushes at the back of the building. At first, I thought
it was my neighbor and a friend, but as they became more visible, I could
see they were wearing ski masks and both were carrying guns. I stopped, and
as I was taught in my BAMM classes, I went to zero. I felt my body completely
collect itself as I put my hands out to show the assailants that I would cooperate.
I kept thinking of my training and what I would do if they got close enough
with their weapons. I was waiting for my opening. They told me to "Go in the
house!" I told them in a clear, low voice that I did not live there. They
told me again to "Go in the house!" They motioned me to go up the stairs to
the door of my neighbor's apartment. I did as they told me. When we got to
the door, they told me to "Knock on the door." I knocked on the door and my
neighbor came to the door and looked out his window. He saw me standing there,
and he started to open the door. As he did this, the guys started to rush
into his apartment. Here was my opening, and my mind and body said "GO." Like
my training taught me, I went with 100% commitment to stay alive. I ran past
the muggers and down the stairs all the while remembering the statistics that
I had learned at BAMM, i.e. that 90% of people who get shot live. And that
most people, in an adrenalized state, can not shoot and hit a moving target.
I ran, dodging back and forth, back around the building and back towards my
apartment. I could hear the attackers running behind me. As soon as I got
into my apartment, I spun around to see the men running past the building
and down the street. I ran to my phone and dialed 911. I was safe! My neighbor
had managed to slam the door on the assailants preventing them from entering
the building. We both escaped the situation unharmed.
I am so glad that BAMM had taught me the importance of waiting for an opening and going with 100% commitment. I am not sure how I would have reacted to this situation before I took my BAMM classes, but I am positive that this training helped me to make the decisions I made that helped save my life.
c. 1996 Pamela James, San Francisco graduate
MALL
STALKER
I'm not sure how long he had been following me. I had tried on a few pairs
of sunglasses, looked at handbags, and was now in the jewelry department on
the first floor of Macy's at Bridgewater Commons, New Jersey. "They're all
pretty nice, aren't they?" he said about the earring display I was admiring.
I had just become aware that a man was standing near me, and thought, "he
must be looking for a gift for his wife". "Yes, they are", I replied, without
looking at him. "Do you wear earrings a lot?" was his next question. That
was it for me! I stared hard at his wide, forty-something face, and firmly
said, "No! I Don't!" Then I turned and walked away quickly into the shoe department.
I realized after a few minutes that he was there too. At first he stayed on
the perimeter, just watching me. But soon he was hovering much too close again.
I walked over to a sales woman and asked about a pair of shoes. He disappeared,
but was there again as soon as my conversation with her ended. "Okay", I thought,
"I have to change the scenario here". I walked rapidly through the store and
got on the escalator to the second floor. Half way up, I looked down and saw
that, sure enough, he had followed me onto the escalator. "I guess I really
have to handle this now", I said to myself. It occurred to me how easy it
would be to just kick him down the moving stairs, but I knew that the solution
was not that simple. At the top, I started walking straight down the main
aisle. I could feel his presence coming up behind me. I decided to just turn
and confront him. Being in a public, populated environment, where any type
of commotion would be noticed and dealt with by personnel, I knew I had options.
For example, I could just yell "The brown haired man in the turquoise velour
shirt is following me," or "Back off; stop following me!" Just as I was about
to do that, I became aware of a salesman helping a lady just up ahead and
to my right. Without really thinking about it, I turned in their direction.
I told them that the man behind me had been following me for the past fifteen
minutes and to please call security. As the three of us turned to look at
him, he hurriedly turned and actually ran back to the escalator. I never saw
him again, but did speak to the security people and gave them a detailed description
of my stalker.
Joanne Mazzeo
CENTRAL PARK JOGGER
Today was a hot, sunny day, and Central Park was filled with people. At 1:30
p.m., I was jogging around the reservoir, feeling perfectly safe and listening
to my walkman ("the Police," ironically). As I came upon a group of six big,
tough-looking high-school girls, one said "I'm gonna get me a walkman!" and
lunged at me.
Without even thinking about it, I quickly got in protective stance and pivoted so that all the girls were on one side of me. "Get away from me!" I told her, "Back off!" She just laughed at me and grabbed my right wrist. "What you gonna do? What you gonna do, bitch?" she asked me. Her grip was very strong, so I looked for an opening to extricate myself.
I considered doing an eye strike with my free hand, but if I hit her, five other girls would attack me, and there was no way I could outrun them. Then I saw a big guy jogging towards us and I yelled to him, "Help me! This girl is trying to steal my walkman!" I know it sounds silly now, but it clued him into what was happening. (He told me afterwards that at first he thought it was just some teenage girls having a fight.) The girl dropped my wrist when the jogger looked at her, and I turned and jogged on with him. A couple of the girls followed us for a few steps, but that was it.
The whole incident took maybe 30 seconds, and it's true that it took somebody else's presence to save me. However, I didn't freeze or panic, I was prepared to fight, and it was my own verbals that got me the help I needed.
Debra Levy
YOU'RE COMING WITH ME
For about one year, there was a man who was always standing outside my
office building when I'd arrive at work. It looked as if he was waiting for
me but I just ignored him, telling myself it was silly to be scared since
he never spoke to me or even approached me. Then one morning, he came up to
me in the lobby of the building and asked to buy me a cup of coffee. When
I declined his invitation he got angry and began to insist, saying things
like, "Come with me. You have to talk to me." Though he was eventually escorted
out by the building's security officers, the incident shook me up.
A week after the verbal attack, I heard that this man had gone to different floors in the building describing my appearance and asking for me by name, leaving only when threatened by security officers. I already had taken the 4-hour PREPARE WORKSHOP and thought that was all I'd ever need. But after ignoring my fear long enough, I decided I really needed to know how to protect myself in case this guy was crazy. He approached me again a few months later as I was getting out of a cab. I saw him step toward me but by this time I had taken the IMPACT Basics 20 hour training and I was ready. I put my hands up in the READY position and tried to step around him to get to the deli, but he grabbed my right arm very tight and tried to pull me with him. Instinctively, I yelled, "NO" in a voice that surprised me with its power. Then I did EYE STRIKES, a punch to his stomach with both fists and, when he leaned forward in pain, I repeatedly did KNEE to the HEAD until he lay still against a car.
I moved back and yelled ASSESS (a technique from Basics designed to refocus and complete the fight), my hands still in the protective stance, my eyes on him in case he moved, and then, when I was sure I was safe, I picked up my bags and went into the deli. It all happened so fast. I just responded to the situation and it wasn't until a woman approached me and asked, "What does this "ASSESS" mean that I realized how thoroughly IMPACT Basics had really PREPARE'D me!
P.S. That woman has since taken the introductory Get Prepare'd Workshop.
L.Y.
SCARED BUT NOT PANICKED
I took the Prepare three (3) hour introductory self defense course at my health
club. I loved the program and got a tremendous amount out of only one session.
I utilized the skills that I learned in a life threatening situation just
days later. I was walking through Central Park on my way to work at 9 a.m.
I had consciously decided against using my Walkman because I wanted my awareness
skills to be as strong as possible. This choice enabled me to hear the loud,
clear scream of a man far away and directly approaching me at a very fast
pace. The man appeared violent and out of control. Even though I was very
scared in the moment, I DID NOT PANIC. I used the new awareness and avoidance
skills that I had just learned. I looked 360 degrees around me and determined
which was the quickest path to the street and denser population. I was able
to decisively steer myself away from the oncoming danger and what could have
been a life/death confrontation. Prepare gave me this ability and my safety.
© Catherine Kirsch, 1996
Since I took the Basics course four years ago, I have often wondered whether the training would really help me if I were attacked and especially whether it would "wear off" after time passed without practice. I recently had an opportunity to find out, and I want to let everyone know how effective the BAMM (San Francisco's IMPACT chapter) training is in actual attacks. In early May, on a running trail at a park near my house, I was attacked by a rapist. He jumped on me from behind, using a grip around my throat and immediately started trying to get my shorts off.
It's difficult to describe how quickly the training kicked in. By the time my brain registered that I was being attacked, my body was already twisting to get out of the throat grip, falling, and bracing into kick position. I think I must have started yelling before he got me in the grip and - judging by my sore throat afterwards - continued yelling the whole time. Because I went to the ground while the attacker stayed standing, I was able to land some really good kicks. We fought for a few minutes ( I don't remember exactly how) before he decided he'd had enough. This was the only point where I did something I shouldn't have: as he ran off, I stood on the trail yelling at him - I was so enraged that I wanted him to come back and let me kick his butt for a while longer!
If this had happened before I had the training, I would have been paralyzed by fear and hopelessness. The attacker made it very clear that this would have been a very violent rape. As it was, I felt no fear at all. Instead, I was filled with so much rage that I became the aggressor. I think the assailant was totally shocked by this response; it scared the hell out of him.
Physically, I came out of it pretty well, with just bruises, scratches, and muscle pulls. I think I hurt him more than he hurt me. Mentally, I found that it was not a damaging or traumatic experience. It was unpleasant, naturally, and I've spent quite a bit of time thinking it over, but my strongest feeling about the whole thing is gratitude. I'm awed by the power I had in the situation and by the complete absence of doubt or fear. I want to thank everyone who is involved, and to remind you that what you are doing works, and what you are doing is worthwhile. I want you to know that because of your efforts, there is one more person in the world unhurt, unraped, and unafraid. Thank you.
c. Lois Allen, 1998
CLOTHES AND SIZE ARE NOT DESTINY
Of course, this had to be the day that I would dress up for work. I usually
dress casually, but for some reason, I had put a dress and heels on this morning.
I was leaving the grocery store after work when it happened. I looked around
as I left the store, groceries in my arms. I noticed someone off to the side,
but thought nothing of it until I felt someone watching me. I turned to look
again and realized it was him.
He had been away in the navy for the past two years and during that time the stalking and harassment had stopped. Prior to his "shipping out", I had pressed charges against him and had him thrown in jail for stalking and harassing me, and also had a restraining order placed on him. I turned quickly to go to my car and true to all the "damsel in distress" movies, I tripped and fell, scattering my groceries over the pavement. I got up (safely) and turned in his direction, determined to change the ending of this particular movie. I got into ready stance as he yelled, "You bitch, you had me thrown in jail!" I began using my verbal skills, "Don't come any closer. Get away from me." He was talking to me about how much he still loved me and how he was certain that I still loved him. This was when I knew he had really gone over the edge and there was no turning back. In my most directive tone I repeated, "Stop. Don't come any closer. Get away from me."
Did I mention that I am 5'2" and weigh 92 pounds and he is 6'4", weighing 250?
All this time I am thinking about what I am going to do if he gets any closer, what is my best opening shot. He stepped in to grab me and there it was, a beautiful opening to a heel palm to the face. I took my shot and landed squarely on his chin. His head flew back and my next shot was right there. I stepped in for a knee to the groin and connected. He collapsed to the ground, unconscious. I gathered my groceries. He wasn't going anywhere, and headed for my car. I drove straight to the police station and made a report to the police and to the navy.
Anonymous in Los Angeles, 1998
WHEN NO THANK YOU DOESN'T SINK IN
I was at a bar with some friends when a guy asked me to dance. I was not interested
in dancing that night so I replied, "No thank you." He seemed a little irritated
with me, but walked away.
About ten minutes later he came up to me and stuck a one dollar bill under the strap of my dress. He told me to "dance for him." I removed the dollar bill and told him that his actions were unacceptable and that he should leave "NOW!" I was annoyed that he thought his behavior was okay, but I continued to talk to my friends.
Another five minutes passed. He came back up to me and started to grind up against my body pretending to dance. I immediately took his wrists into my hands, placed them together, then returned them to his chest. I told him to "Stop and back off." He did neither. Since he was clearly not listening to me, I used an Advanced IMPACT dissuasion technique (it was not time yet to hit him in the head) and kicked him in the shin to get him to realize I really meant what I said. He was so shocked that all he could do was call me a bitch and walk away (with a slight limp).
There was no point staying to see if he would come back, so my friends and I left the bar. My IMPACT classes included many types of harassment scenarios similar to this one. Since I had evaluated my boundaries and reactions ahead of time in class, there was no need for regrets like, "I should have said or done this." Throughout the entire situation I never doubted my actions or that I was in control of the situation.
c. Laura K. 1998
When I heard about the kids' BAT and STAR classes last June, I was very excited. As a devoted and enthusiastic fan of the women's program, I didn't hesitate for a second and signed up my two younger children. Since they had been present at my own graduation from the 20-hour Basics course, they couldn't wait! They (and all the other participants) enjoyed it immensely and had a very positive experience showing off their new skills to their amazed and delighted parents. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that my eleven-year-old son would really need to use his training, especially within the month.
He had finally decided that he was ready to spend the summer with his teenage brother at sleep away camp. He had visited the camp many times with us and we knew most of the staff, so we were perfectly comfortable that our younger boy would be well taken care of.
I still cringe at the memory of the terrible phone call my husband and I received several weeks later. It was Dr. T., the camp's owner/director saying, "I need to tell you that Chip has accused one of his counselors of molesting him." He told me, "Mike (age 21) waited until the other campers were asleep, then took off Chip's pants and fondled him. It's Mike's day off, and I won't be able to talk to him until he returns. I'll call you back as soon as I can." We waited nervously, all the while trying to convince ourselves that it couldn't be true. It had to be some sort of childish prank. We were certain that Chip didn't realize how much trouble he'd make for Mike by saying such a thing. (DENIAL!) We were shocked when Dr. T. called back. "Mike confessed. To comply with state law, I had to call the police. They have arrested Mike and I need to take Chip to the Police Barracks for questioning."
We rushed to meet them there and learned some astonishing facts from the police commissioner (by coincidence, an expert on sexual abuse of children).
1. More boys than girls are victims
of sexual abuse.
2. Most kids don't tell (out of fear or embarrassment).
3. In the more than 1,500 cases that the commissioner himself had been involved
in, not once had a child been proven to by lying!
4. It's impossible to rehabilitate pedophiles because they see children (like
my skinny little immature boy!) as appropriate sexual partners. Adults don't
turn to them on at all.
Chip was told repeatedly by the commissioner that he was not at fault, he
did nothing wrong. (It is always the fault of the adult.) He was taken very
seriously from the beginning and he was congratulated and treated as a HERO.
There had been not one, but two occasions when Mike had touched him. During
the second time, Chip had gathered up his courage and told Mike to stop. Mike
did, but strongly threatened Chip and warned him not to tell anyone.
As often happens, it was not a stranger attacking the child, but an adult that he knew and trusted. Because of this, it took longer for Chip to react. Chip waited almost a week, until Mike's next day off, and told another adult. The commissioner explained tome that Chip's bravery had not only saved him but also the other boys, from repeated attacks, and that the attacks would probably have worsened to oral sex and/or rape as the summer progressed. Chip really was a hero.
Mike was convicted of a misdemeanor (if Chip had been ten instead of eleven, it would have been a felons), and spent some time in jail before being escorted to the airport and put on a plane bound for his home in England. The camp encouraged all the kids to tell if Mike had done anything to them and called all the parents so they could talk to their kids about it. No other child or parent has come forward with any further complaint.
I feel very strongly that Chip's training was a huge influence in his decision to put a stop t Mike's attacks and especially to turn him in. I'm sure the outcome would have been very different without BAT or STAR. I had cried in the police station that night, not so much because it had happened, but because chip had handled it so well.
So, what happened to Chip? This year, his grades were better than ever. His self-confidence has soared and he is maturing into a kind and thoughtful young man. And, that's right, he can't wait to get back to that camp this summer!
DO YOU WANT
TO BE IN MY MOVIE?
I was at Borders studying
for finals. This guy came and sat across from me at a separate table. I had
been sitting there for about an hour now and I would constantly catch him
staring at me. I gave him the "one eyebrowed" mean look for a while, until
I had to go to the bathroom. The bathroom was down a little hall and around
a corner. I totally had a weird feeling about this guy, so I was getting prepared
for the worse case scenario. I walked out of the bathroom and he was standing
right there "talking" on the phone. As soon as I walked past him, he aggressively
grabbed my arm. I did that little block move to stop his grab and I unconsciously
got right into stance. He started telling me about a movie he was making.
He told me that I would be perfect for the role in his movie, that my personality
was perfect for his movie. I firmly told him that I am not interested at all
in being in his movie. He asked me for my phone number and my address so we
could get together and plan this movie of his. I was not lenient with this
guy; I set a boundary and told him to back away. When he eventually walked
away, a man come up to me and complimented me on my verbal skills!!! (: Honestly,
if this had happened a year ago I would have hesitated. I totally feel more
confident setting boundaries now after taking that class. It has been one
of the most effective things I have learned.
Thank you ~ Casey (high school student)
ADRENALINE
STATE TRAINING QUITE POSSIBLY SAVED MY LIFE
In early December of 2001, I was involved in a major car accident on a deserted
highway near Death Valley, California. My friend was driving and lost control
of the car, causing us to swerve off the road and roll four times before coming
to a stop several hundred feet down the highway.
As I first realized that we were going to crash my heart started pounding, and instead of panicking, everything became very clear. I was completely conscious of what was happening throughout the entire crash. As soon as we landed, I found myself doing a new version of "look" and "assess". I mentally went through a checklist: was everyone alive? Yes. Were we in any immediate danger? No. Where was the cell phone? I was able to remain calm and tell the 911 dispatcher where we were, that we had a baby in the car, and what had happened. He told me to calm down, and I had to tell him that the screaming he heard was from my friend, and not me.
While my friend was screaming, her baby was crying, and the couple that had stopped to help looked like deer caught in the headlights, I was able to act. I have no doubt that the fights in class and the practice of functioning in the adrenal state enabled me to stay focused and not go into shock, as I helped my friend and her baby out through the windshield, and later answered the paramedics' questions.
Since taking the Basics class (at the time of the accident, I was about two-thirds of the way through the Weapons course), I've hoped that I would never need to use the physical skills to defend myself against some attacker. I never imagined that what I learned in class would be a factor in a situation like this. When I think back on the accident, I realize that I had been in a 'fight' - to get everyone to the help that we needed.
Fortunately, everyone from the accident will recover fully, and I feel that I have the IMPACT program to thank for that.
CLEARING
THE AIR WITH THE MAGIC FORMULA
I just wanted to share how IMPACT training worked this morning. Verbal skills,
if you recall, were very challenging for me.
A colleague at work came to my cubicle and harshly (both verbally and with her body language) tore into me for responding to an e-mail without correctly comprehending the underlying situation. I apologized, but was really taken aback by her demeanor and felt she spoke with me in a manner inappropriate for the workplace.
I chewed on it for a few minutes. Then I went to visit her office down the hall. Using the "magic formula" in the Basics Workbook, I told her that it made me feel chastised when she spoke to me so harshly, and I suggested that her tone had been inappropriate for the situation and for our status as peers. I was polite and had shut her office door behind me before speaking.
Well, it's all cleared up! She was upset because of other very recent dealings with the co-recipients of the e-mail, admitted she took it out on me (because their position makes it impossible to speak to them that way), and apologized for approaching me the way she had. She also thanked me for coming to talk with her about it. We agreed that it made more sense to clear the air between us than for me to sit and stew, or perhaps even badmouth her to others--which would have just escalated the inappropriateness of what happened (and be an immature response on my part).
I know this doesn't have much to do with defending oneself from physical attack, but I knew right away that it had been IMPACT training that made me decide to take care of the situation immediately rather than keep feeling badly about it.
Grace Lee 2002
"BACK
UP" IS ALL IT TOOK
It's a typical late afternoon subway ride, at 3:30 on a Thursday. I
get on the C train at 23rd on my way to Brooklyn to baby sit my niece Ana.
The train was almost full of seated passengers and a handful of folks standing.
A man comes onto the train with a large black canvas bag, and the telltale
white cords of an iPod in his ears. He is directly across from where
I am seated, near the train door he entered. He proceeds to rummage around
in his bag vigorously, which seems to be filled with something large, wrapped
in white plastic bags. A brief thought passes through my mind –
the reminder to alert the MTA if you see any suspicious bags. He is
occasionally mumbling something – he's not too loud but nothing he says
makes sense so I get that it's not the words to the song. He briefly
is quiet, then, suddenly, starts shouting much of the same, nonsensical stuff
but now it sounds like a rant. The train stops and I bolt out of my
seat and towards the next train car's open door. He was just too close,
too loud, too strange, and now I really didn't like my initial thought about
the way he was pawing through his bag.
The train doors remain open at the station. I am nearly at the door to the next train car, perhaps 6 feet away, pushing though slower-moving folks near the edge of the platform for the next train. I can hear him yelling, "She ran out of the train because of me!" Then, "Why did you run out of the train into the next car?" Then, he is running out of the other car and right behind me. I am hoping my feet are fleet and I will make it through the crowd and through the closing train door before he catches up. However, the doors are still being held, and I am about 3 steps into the car when I hear him, closer, still yelling to me. He makes it in right behind me. I wheel around right into ready position. Seriously, no thought, no conscious directing of my body into any stance. It felt like I looked over my shoulder, pivoted 180 degrees and got my hands up simultaneously and in less than a second. That all felt good, but I was not at all happy that he was yelling and that he ran after me.
In what feels like an out of body experience, combined with hyper-consciousness of the expression on his face, I have snapped into taking charge of the situation before he decides to do more than continue his rant directed at me. Out of my mouth, again without any conscious directing of my voice, are the words, "Stop. Back up." Gosh, it is just like what other graduates say when they tell their own success stories and describe just having the training flow right out of them automatically. In the moment I am so pleased my voice didn't catch or fail to work. Then, "Back up" over and over, perhaps a half a dozen times. He gradually seems to ease out of his aggressive demeanor into less tension and perhaps towards a decision not to persist with me. I am conscious of pausing between each iteration, and making sure my voice wasn't aggressive, just firm and directive. I am also very conscious of how quiet the train is and how much I'd like to turn around to look at people's faces, just out of curiosity. My left hand is clutching the strap of my handbag and a small brown paper bag with some fabric. I fleetingly consider dropping my packages, then think "I won't have to drop my bags to fight." The train doors are still open, and his attention is moving towards the open door. He can still exit. He finally says, "And so I will."
Just as he says this the first time, a woman almost at the other end of the car starts yelling at him to leave me alone. I think to myself, "SHUT UP!" you are not helping, you are just trying to feel good about doing something though you are sitting perhaps 25 feet away, or maybe you just want to run your mouth off and let everyone know you're a tough gal. I do shoot her a look, hoping she knows I want her to be quiet. It's just like Advanced Basics when we create a subway car and have assistants playing the roles of sometimes helpful, sometimes indifferent and sometimes aggressive passengers. Fortunately, he doesn't respond to her and gets off the train, crosses the platform and gets on the A train which just pulled in.
I find a seat and sit down. Not a single person says a word. No one asks if I am OK. I am trying to figure out how adrenalized I am as I open the zipper of my handbag to pull out the magazine I wanted to read. Three panhandlers are working this train, asking for money. A woman in her 20's next to me offers the one right in front of us her white Styrofoam container of food. He declines and repeats his request for money, even pennies. She pulls a banana out and offers that to him, asking him "Are you hungry, do you need money for food?" He hasn't taken any of the food, and is still there, repeating his request for money instead. She says, "Have a blessed day." He finally moves on. Oh my gosh, that's just like class too. There was no threat, just persistence. She acknowledged his humanity and he just kept going. What a train ride. I'm not even at West 4th Street yet.
Copyright 2005 Karen Chasen, VP Prepare Inc.